Friday, June 1, 2012

{coffee date: mourning}



if we were having coffee today i would pour you some coffee and then sit in silence for a just a moment.

I would start off by saying how much I have missed you, and blogging oh so much. I would then go on to tell you how much this move has taken out of me. I never expected that moving one block over would be so hard. I never expected that moving with a baby would be so difficult. I would then tell you how nice it is to be living one level once again and that I don't miss stairs one bit. I would also tell you that i am in love with my kitchen--it's nothing fancy perse--but more than one person can comfortable fit in it now. in fact, our little family can comfortably hang out in it while i make dinner and there is still room to spare.

i would tell you that I expected to be completely unpacked and painting by this time. but life happens and i'm ok with it. i would tell you that each and everyday i fall in love with this little house of mine and every day, i pinch myself, because i can't believe i live here.

and then i would tell you about this last week. it was a tough one.

I would tell you this week has been very hard--bittersweet to be exact. it has been a week full of mourning. mourning the loss of dear aunt of mine and mourning the fact that my dear baby will be one year old on saturday.

my aunt passed away last week--quite unexpectedly. and the loss of her has hit me hard, very hard. there is so much that i wanted to tell her, so much left unsaid that can now never be said. my aunt meant so much to me and i hope she knows that. there were things I never got to tell her, that i wish i could i tell her now...so maybe i will tell you instead. my fondest and most important memory of her is day that my grandfather passed away. she stayed with me that whole day. she held me hand. she made me laugh, when i wanted to cry. she reminded me that life goes on and that my grandpa would want me to push forward and succeed. and when we were all gathered together around my grandpa and he took his last breathe, she turned me around me and to behold the most beautiful sunset i have ever seen. she whispered in my ear, "Look at that beauitul sunset. Your grandpa waited for the sunset. Have you ever seen such a beautiful sunset? It's almost as if God is telling you He is going to take care of your grandpa and that everything is going to ok." I can still her whisper. 

i never got to tell her that for my admission into snhu  i had to write an essay in order to be accepted into the writing department. and for my essay i wrote about how she was with me that day my grandpa died. i never got to tell her that it was because of her and my essay that i was accepted into the writing department at snhu and i am now persuing my dream of completing my degree and becoming a writer. 

but most of all i would tell her thank you. thank you for being my aunt and most of all, thank you for always making me laugh even when I didn't want too.

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