Friday, September 19, 2014

{ballerina girl::a rite of passage}


 
 
 
 
this week my little princess had her first ballet class. I honestly cannot tell you who was more excited--me or her.  the moment she slipped on the ballet shoes, she became a little ballerina. she was on pins and needles the day of class. she knew he class was sometime after lunch, so anytime I walked by the door she would frantically ask me if it was time to go to ballet class. when it was finally time to get ready she could hardly contain herself, she was jumping with excitement. I helped her put on her tights and leotard. she sat still as I twisted her hair up in the smallest bun I've ever seen. she carefully packed her ballet and tap shoes in the new bag I had sewn just for this occasion and then we were off.

my mom had taken the boys which was nice because this was a special time--some girl bonding time. as we walked across the parking lot to the community center she asked, "Mommy, are you going to stay in the class and watch me so I don't cry?" be still my heart. I assured her there is no other place I would rather be. 

we were a few minutes late to class. the other little girls were already sitting around the teacher as she explained the class rules. quickly, I helped my little princess slip on her ballet shoes and ushered her towards the rest of the little girls. she timidly took a seat at one end of the circle.

I stood along the wall and watched her. I wanted nothing more that to sit next to her and hold her hand. she glanced back at me a few times and it took everything in me not to just run and wrap my arms around her in a quick hug. while my heart wanted nothing more than to set her at ease, I did not run to her, but rather plastered myself to the wall and prayed.  I prayed she wouldn't run away scared. I prayed that God would fill her with a spirit of peace  and joy. I prayed that I would be able to stay strong and not try to save her and ruin this whole experience for her. 

this ballet class was not only a rite of passage for her, but also for me. she may only be three years old, and this may only be the first of many ballet classes to come, but this was one step towards letting her go. She my second born, my only girls, she has a piece of heart the boys will never have. she is my kindred spirit. and while I want to hold on to her and shelter her from any difficulty or unkind thing I know I can't I have to let her go little by little--I need to teacher to stand on her own two feet.

as I stood there, wrestling with the urge to rescue my little princess from the insecurities of life, I caught a glimpse of what God must go through with us. The more I dive into the trenches of parenthood, the more I catch glimpses of God and His enduring love for us. I must admit I struggle with wanting to intervene and make things easier for my kids. but I know that will not help them grow. they need to learn to do things on their own. I am here to help and guide them, not hoover and keep them from falling and ever experiencing life.

by the end of class she had shed the timid cloak she wore and was tapping away with gusto, not in time, but with spunk nonetheless. once the teacher dismissed them she came running to me, proud as could be, the biggest smile encapsulating her face, anxious to show me the tinker bell sticker her teacher had given her. the first ballet class had been a success. she learned first position and I had learned to let go just a little bit. 

I took ballet from the age of three to eleven. and as a product of the 80's I could not help but share this song with you. when I was little my mom used to call me her little ballerina girl. when this song would come on the radio she would dedicate this song to me--her little ballerina girl. and now I will dedicate it to my little ballerina girl.



 
 
 


 
 


9 comments:

  1. Aw, she is so cute! So cool that she really seemed to be at ease by the end :)

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  2. Oh my goodness she is the cutest!! I've always wanted to try ballet so I'm totally jealous. It sounds like she will be great at it!

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  3. I remember taking ballet as a little girl! I loved your imagery of how that's what God must feel when we grow.

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  4. I'm having a girl for the first time (I have two boys) and I can not wait to send her to dance... So cute

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  5. So sweet. My daughter does ballet and started when she was about 3. It's so much fun to watch her learn.

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  6. She is the cutest! I wish they had something like that around here for my little girl!

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  7. oh my goodness, that was so sweet or her wanting you to stay. I remember wanting my mom to stay places.

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  8. She is so adorable. It's a little hard letting go of them as they get older, but you'll be amazed and love the changes and challenges that accompany it.

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  9. This was a beautiful post!!! I literally grab my chest when she asked you to stay!!! How exciting and tough at the same time! I love the comparison you created between us and God! First time I considered it that way!

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thank you for your comment...i read every one and they make me smile.

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